wonderin' why
by Kat Kat B
Summary: This was my first fanfic...What if Ingrid hadn't died from Pup's bite? MatthewIngrid.


Wonderin' Why- Chapter One by Katie White

It was a beautiful fall day, and Ingrid walked along the path in the forest. There it was- the place she and Matthew would soon call home. Their wedding as only a week away. She told Matthew she was coming today, and she wanted to show him some quilt pieces she was going to use in a quilt for their home. She shifted the basket to her other arm, it was getting really heavy to carry. She knocked on the homestead door, once, no answer. She knocked again. Still no answer.

"Maybe he is in the barn," she muttered to herself. She walked over to the barn and opened the door. There he was, bent over a table, apparently building something. He had not yet noticed her presence. She sneaked up behind him, and whispered in his ear " Hello, Matthew," and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey Ingrid", he said as he turned and gave her a long kiss. "You scared me."

"That's the point, Matthew," she giggled. "So, did you forget about me?"

"Never," he said warmly. A smile broke over his lips that seemed bigger than his face.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked mischievously.

"About how much I love you." He gave her yet another kiss; she drank him in, thought about their future. As the kiss ended, they stared into the other's eyes.

Neither of the lovesick twosome noticed that the barn door creaked open as a third person entered the barn.

"Ingrid," said the male voice with an accent similar to her own. She tore her eyes from Matthew and she saw who it was.

"Hans", she whispered.

CHAPTER 2

"What?" asked a very confused Matthew as he looked from Ingrid to Hans, then back to Ingrid.

"I thought you had died... I thought..." Ingrid whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"Ingrid, what is going on?" asked Matthew.

Ingrid swallowed hard as she realized what she had to tell him. "Hans, I need to speak to Matthew alone for a moment."

Hans merely nodded and Ingrid pulled Matthew towards the back.

"Matthew... I'm sorry I never told you..." she started, tears streaming down her face uncontrolled.

"Didn't tell me what?" he asked, and lifted his hand to wipe away her tears.

She held his hand to her face. "Hans..."

Chapter 3

She was interrupted by a scream. She ran towards the front of the barn to find Hans lying on the ground holding his leg. Ingrid ran to his side. Matthew knelt next to her.

"Hans, what happened?" she asked him.

"I was moving to the back of the barn, and that saw was lying blade up, I tripped and well, here we are", he said with an attempt to make a joke.

"I'll get the wagon." said Matthew, then turned and left.

Ingrid and Matthew loaded him into the back and drove to Dr. Mike's clinic.

"Dr. Mike!" yelled Ingrid as she and Matthew started to unload Hans from the back of the wagon. Sully and Dr. Mike came quickly and Sully took Ingrid's place. He and Matthew got him inside, and Ingrid sat on the bench, knowing that Dr. Mike would only allow Colleen inside. Matthew sat next to her on the bench. He wrapped his arms around her.

"Matthew..." she said between sobs. " Hans is my husband.

Chapter 4

"What! You're married!" exclaimed Matthew. He took a moment to compose himself. Ingrid started to sob even louder. " I'm so sorry...I should have told you... but I thought he was dead." She rested her head on his chest, trying to conceal her fear. Thoughts flew through her head so fast she wasn't sure what she was thinking. Since Hans was back, she couldn't marry Matthew. She wasn't free of her vows. _No, no, no, no!_ her mind screamed. She loved Matthew. She had never loved Hans. Her parents had loved Hans...

**Sweden, 2yrs earlier**

"No! Mama, Papa, please no!" Ingrid sobbed and threw herself against them, mentally and physically. "No, Papa! I will be miserable all of my life! Please! Why are you doing this to me!" she yelled.

"Ingrid, STOP!" her father roared. "We are doing this because we need money, and soon. Your little sisters are starving! They'll die if you don't marry this man. He is wealthy and kind."

"Papa please.." she whispered.

"Ingrid, I have made up my mind. You will marry Hans at the end of the month." he said.

**8 months later**

_Knock, Knock_

"Don't bother, Hans", said Ingrid. "I'll get it."

"You're such a dear", he said. Ingrid opened the door to find a snow-covered Jon at the door.

"Jon, what's wrong?" she asked, noting the troubled look her brother wore.

"Ingrid, Ma.. she died." he said.

Chapter 5

**Sweden, almost 1 year prior to Chapters 1-3**

"What? No, she couldn't have..." Ingrid burst into tears, and Jon held her, comforted her, while Hans didn't even look up from his newspaper.

" Hans..." Jon held back the steady stream of curses and sinful things he could say to the numbskull. Here was his baby sister, in tears, in such pain, and he didn't even look up from the editorial in the local news. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Jon completely lost it.

" You little..." Jon pulled the man up out of the chair by his shirt collar, and wrapped his hands around the idiot's neck. "I should kill you. I'd be doing the world a favor. But I won't. I won't kill you. But you mess with my sister's heart again, and I swear to God in heaven I will kill you." He let of Hans to find Ingrid stuffing her few possessions into a flour sack.

" Hans, I don't love you and I am leaving. I don't want to ever see your sorry hide again. Never." Ingrid turned on her heel and walked away, pulling Jon with her.

**Colorado Springs, 1 year later**

Ingrid pulled herself together as she told all of this to Matthew.

" I'm so sorry I never told you," she said.

" Ingrid, I don't care," he said.

" Yes you do. Its in your eyes." she said.

" Alright. Yes I do. But why did you think he was dead?" he asked.

" He sent numerous letters to my father's home while we prepared to leave, but he was never man enough to come and see me in person. The final letter said he still loved me, but he was joining the Swedish Army," she explained. " Later we got a letter from the Swedish Army that he had died a noble death in battle, so naturally I presumed he was dead."

" Ingrid?" Colleen said. " He's alright but the chloroform hasn't worn off yet."

**Chapter 6 **

"Thank you, Colleen", said Ingrid.

"Is everything alright, Ingrid?" asked Colleen upon noticing Ingrid's tear-streaked face.

"No", said Ingrid in a half whisper. "Hans was... excuse me, is my husband." Shock was apparent on Colleen's face, but she turned and walked back into the clinic.

"Matthew, I need to talk to Jon. I'll be right back." Ingrid said quietly, and rose from the wooden bench, and promptly sat down, as the emotions, the reality of the situation sank in. She felt her breath catch in her throat. The world spun, everything started to go black. She gasped for air.

_Matthew, help me!_ her mind screamed. Dr. Mike put the chloroform to her face, and she felt her breathing ease. Matthew ran his fingers through her hair and whispered in her ear: "No matter what you do, whom you choose, I will always love you." She clung to him. All she wanted was her Matthew, not Hans. Never in her life had she wanted Hans. She thought of the tiny life she had wanted, and had gotten. But little Johan had left her, too.

**Chapter 7**

She knew she had to tell Matthew about her little boy, but how? She missed him so much...

Sweden, 3 months prior to Ingrid's trip to the United States

"Jon? Can I speak with you for a moment?" Ingrid asked as her older brother finished putting away the big, brown leather saddle they had to sell for little Becka's immigration fee.

"Yah, what is it?" he asked, turning to face her.

"I would have told Mama, but I can't really. And Papa has been so bitter since Mama.. left." she swallowed hard." Jon... I'm going to have a baby."

"What? Are you sure?" asked Jon.

" Yes." she whispered. "I am so scared.. Hans doesn't know.. No one knows.. Papa will be furious.. what will I do?" she started to cry.

Jon hugged her. "First of all, Hans doesn't deserve to know. Second, Papa won't be upset. He was the one who liked Hans. Third, relax! It'll be OK. But we have to tell Papa."

"All right." Ingrid pulled herself together.

"Papa? Papa!" Ingrid called out as Jon scanned the fields.

"I'm right here, you two. What do you want?" he said.

"Papa, you know I'm married to Hans. I loved him at first, but he never loved me back. Papa... I'm going to have a baby."

"What!" he said, obviously shocked.

7 months later, Ellis Island, New York

"Congratulations, my dear." said the elderly American midwife. "You have a beautiful baby boy." The midwife handed Ingrid her son. "What's his name, lass?"

"Johan." she whispered as she held the infant.

**Chapter 8**

"Are you sure you're all right, Ingrid?" asked Dr. Mike as Ingrid got off the bed and headed towards the stairs.

"Yes, Dr. Mike." she replied, and walked up the stairs to go check on Hans.

"Matthew, what caused Ingrid's attack?" asked Dr. Mike, with her back turned to the stairs, upon which Ingrid had frozen halfway up.

"Hans is her husband." Matthew said bluntly. "And if she loves him more than she loves me, fine." He turned and slammed the clinic door on the way out. Ingrid sobbed silently and ran up the rest of the way. Dr. Mike turned abruptly and shook her head. _Matthew, I wonder if you know how much that you hurt Ingrid?_

**Chapter 10**

Hans stirred, and Ingrid looked up.

"Ingrid... I thought you hated me," he said as he groped for her gentle hand.

"I did. Hans.. I have to tell you something." She might as well practice telling her innermost secret to him first. "Hans.. the night I left.. I was.." she took a deep breath. "I was pregnant."

"You mean..." he smiled, then the moment went sour. " Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid that you would be upset with me."

"No. Never."

"Hans.. he..Johan.. was kidnapped. I don't know where he is now."

"I will find him. He is my son, after all. Who was that man? The one kissing you in that barn?" he asked.

"He is my fiancé'" she said.

"What?" he said, outraged.

"We are supposed to be married on Saturday," she said quietly. "I have to go."

"Good-bye." he murmured as he lay back down against the pillows.

**Chapter 10**

She knew Matthew better than most people, but her emotions fogged up her brain._ Where does he go when he needs to think?_ Of course. The ranch. She ran as fast as her feet would carry her. She was out of breath when she reached the ranch's entrance. She saw him, a small black dot on the horizon. She unhitched Matthew's horse and jumped on. She set a fast pace, and it ran like the wind.

" Matthew, wait!" she yelled as she came closer. When he stopped walking, she caught up and dismounted.

" Ingrid, if you want him, go ahead, don't apologize." he grumbled.

" I don't want him back, remember that I had never wanted him." she bluntly reminded him. " I came to tell you something else." She took in a deep breath. " I had a son by him. But he was kidnapped in St. Louis. His name was Johan." Tears flowed but she made no sound.

" What! Why didn't you tell me about that! You kept all this from me, Ingrid! Why! Why!" he yelled at her. He realized that he had lost his temper, and she was shaking. " I'm sorry, Ingrid. I didn't mean to lose it." He reached out to touch her, and she backed away, like a puppy dog after it had been scolded. " Ingrid, I really am sorry."

" Maybe you are. But it doesn't matter. It won't ever matter!" she yelled with an equally loud voice, mounted the horse and galloped away. Matthew could only stand and watch her ride away.

**Chapter 11**

She had just yelled at him. Quiet, reserved Ingrid had yelled louder than he had. _What are you standing there for? Go after her!_ He began to run. There she was, riding faster. He tried to match the horse's speed, but he couldn't. He ran as fast, heck, faster, than he had ever had. She was getting closer.

" Ingrid, wait!" he yelled. She slowed to a stop. He kept running. He caught up.

" Ingrid, I'm so sorry. I still love you. I want to help you find Johan, even if you don't marry me," he panted.

"Really?" she asked. A faint smile crept over her face.

" Really." he assured her. Her eyes looked over the horizon. "What is it Ingrid?"

"Look, it's Jon!' she said.

" Ingrid, are you all right?" asked Jon. " Dr. Mike told me everything."

"Yes. Jon, I told Matthew everything, even about Johan." she said.

He threw his hat on the ground, infuriated. " The numbskull! I warned him! I should have killed him when I had the chance! He's just the same! Always wanting what is the best for him!" he yelled.

"Jon, easy!" Matthew warned. Jon had scared his horse and the horse bucked him off.

" Jon! Are you all right?" Ingrid was by his side in a flash.

"Yah."

" Matthew went after your horse."

"I can't believe Hans would come back."

" I told him about Johan as well. He and Matthew want to find him."

"Don't you?"

" Yes. It should help that Matthew is Sheriff."

"Yah. There is Matthew now."

"Here's your horse, Jon.," said Matthew.

"Matthew." said Ingrid. " I want to marry you. I want a divorce from Hans."

" Are you sure?" he asked

" Unless you don't want me," she said.

"Of course I do. We're in this together."

**Chapter 12**

Ingrid's eyes searched his. _Do you really mean it? Yes. He did. His eyes were like they used to be; bright, alive, filled with love and compassion. _

"I must tell Hans this," she said huskily as he held her.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked

" No. This I must do alone." she said."

" I will be at my office if there is a problem." He kissed her forehead, and then she remounted and rode away.

---------

"Hans, I don't love you. I want a divorce." Ingrid said.

" But.. Ingrid.." he pleaded.

" No Hans. I have made up my mind."

" You can't! I forbid it."

" That's the point. You can't forbid me anymore. I'm going to wire for the forms."

" Ingrid!" he yelled. It was too late. She just kept walking away.

-----

She walked so fast she broke out into a run. She ran straight to the telegraph office.

" Horace, I'd like to send a telegram. I need a judge to send me divorce forms."

----------------

Matthew wondered what could be taking Ingrid so long. The paperwork could wait. He got up and went to the clinic too check on her.

"Dr. Mike, have you seen Ingrid?" he asked

"Yes. She left a few moments ago. It looked like she was going to the telegram office."

"Thanks." he said. There she was. She was at the telegraph office, just like Dr. Mike said.

" Thank you, Horace," she said.

" You're welcome." he said, then turned to tend to a crying Samantha.

"Hey. So you sent for the forms?" he asked.

" Yes."

" How did he take it?"

"Better than I thought."

"I put a notice out earlier to all the towns west of St. Louis. For Johan, I mean."

"Thank you, Matthew. For everything."

"You know I'm doing this because I love you."

"I love you too."

------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 13**

_2 days later _

Matthew walked through town on an early Friday morning. He and Ingrid were supposed to be married tomorrow, and Hans was still her legal husband. It annoyed Matthew to no end. He might as well visit Horace like he had for the past two days.

"Here, Matthew. One telegram for you, and a letter for Ingrid. Could you take it to her for me?" he said.

"Sure Horace. Thanks." he said and took the letter and telegram and started to walk towards the immigrant camp.

"Ingrid!" he called. She ran to him.

" Good morning, Matthew. Any news?"

"Maybe. I didn't look at my telegram yet. But there is a letter for you from Denver." She opened the bulging letter.

"The forms finally came."

"Good." he opened the telegram. " Ingrid! We found him!"

" Johan!"

"Yeah, the telegram is from the sheriff in Soda Springs! He says there is a boy that fits our description, and his name is Johan!"

**Chapter 14**

" Really! Oh..." she hugged him tight. He hugged her back.

" When do you want to go see him?" he said with a bright smile.

" Oh, maybe about... now!" she said. "Oh, we can't go now. You're too busy."

" We can go now. There's a train going to Soda Springs within the hour."

" You could make time for that?"

" Anything for you. I have to see if Robert E would watch things, then we can go."

"I'll go tell Jon!" she said, then gave him a full, long kiss, then went to tell Jon. He chuckled to himself, then went to see about Robert E.

-------------------------------------

She was so excited. She ran to Mr. Bray's store, where Jon said he'd be.

" Jon! We found him!"

" Johan?"

"Yes, Matthew got a telegram about his notice, and Johan's in Soda Springs! Matthew and I are going to get him soon."

" I'm going with you."

" Who will watch the girls?"

"I'll ask Helga. When do we leave?"

" 8:30, and its 8 o'clock."

" I'll meet you two at the train station."

Ingrid went to tell Dr. Mike about the good news.

" Good morning Ingrid. You look happy today."

"Matthew got a telegram, and a sheriff in Soda Springs found Johan. May I see Hans?"

" Of course, I just got here, so I want to check on him in a minute, but you can go first."

"Thank you." She ran up the stairs. " Hans, we found Johan! Hans?" Hans wasn't responding. She walked closer. He wasn't breathing. She put her head to his chest. No heartbeat. Next to his bed laid a bottle of laudanum and a scrap of paper. It read:

_Ingrid, I love you more than anything. Since you don't love me, Goodbye._

She ran downstairs. " Dr. Mike!"

"Ingrid, look!"

She looked and there was a giant hole in the front of her medicine cabinet.

"My laudanum is missing!"

"Hans did it. He apparently drank the whole bottle. He is dead."

" Oh Ingrid..I'm so sorry. I just got here. He did it overnight."

"It's all right, Dr. Mike." She went to tell Matthew and Jon what happened.

**Chapter 15**

"He overdosed himself?" asked Jon.

"Yes." she replied.

"I'm really sorry Ingrid." said Matthew.

"I'm not," she said.

"There's the train, right on time." said Horace. " I hope that you find him."

"We will, Horace," said Ingrid.

Matthew helped Ingrid on the train, and Jon followed them. The train moved slowly away from Colorado Springs, and Ingrid settled comfortably between Jon and Matthew. She remembered Johan, especially his striking similarity to her older brother.

" Where did Sheriff Kings say Johan was?" she asked Matthew.

"He said Johan was in a orphanage." he replied. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I want to know everything about Johan." She told him of all her memories and all the stories. She even told him about the night he was kidnapped, with Jon occasionally interjecting a few words.

"It sounds like you really love him." he said when they finished.

"I do." she said.

"Mr. Kings said he'd meet us at the train station." he reminded her.

They got off the train and found Mr. Kings.

"Thank you Mr. Kings. And hello." said Ingrid.

"Hello. I presume you are Ingrid?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Sheriff Cooper spoke very highly of you."

" Thank you for escorting us, Sheriff." said Matthew.

"It was my pleasure."

They all rode in Mr. Kings' carriage to the orphanage.

"I think we can care for matters from here," said Matthew.

"Of course." said Mr. Kings, and drove away.

"He's really in there!" squealed an excited Ingrid.

"Let's go." said Jon.

They walked inside and a young woman greeted them.

"Hello, I'm Miss Smith. What can I do for you folks today?" she asked.

"I'm Sheriff Cooper from Colorado Springs, this is my fiancée, Ingrid, and her brother Jon. We are here for a Swedish boy named Johan.

**Chapter 15**

"Oh, yes Mr. Kings informed us about that. Right this way, please." They followed Miss Smith through narrow, dark hallways. Ingrid wanted to cry. This is where her son had been all this time? She reached for Matthew's hand. He took it, and gave it an affectionate squeeze. _It's going to be all right_ he said silently.

"Here you are." said Miss Smith as she handed Ingrid Johan. "I think I'll leave you alone for a little while."

" He is a handsome fellow," said Matthew.

"He always was." said Jon.

Ingrid couldn't say anything. She just held him close to her. Johan clung to her as if he remembered his mother.

" I missed you," she said to him. Matthew put his arm around Ingrid's shoulders; looking down at the boy he would soon call his son.

--------

On the train back to Colorado Springs, Johan had fallen asleep on Matthew's lap. Ingrid smiled at the way they bonded. Matthew really loved her little boy. The train reached the Colorado Springs station, and Ingrid looked out the window. Dr. Mike, Sully, Colleen, Brian, Anna, and Becka all waited for them. She smiled. The train slowed to a stop. Matthew carefully handed Johan to Ingrid. He woke up when he reached his mother's arms. His big blue eyes stared up at her. She got off the train, and instantly her family gathered around to see him.

"Oh, Ingrid, he is so adorable." said Dr.Mike.

"I'm very happy that you found him," said Sully.

"May I hold him?" asked Colleen.

"Yes, and thank you," said Ingrid. She handed Johan to Colleen.

" I wanted to do a piece for the Gazette about you an' Matthew an' Johan. Could I talk to you later?" said Brian.

"Sure." she replied. Matthew whispered gently in her ear: " Are you ready for tomorrow?"

"Why, Matthew Cooper, is that even a question?" she teased him. She kissed him. "Of course."

**Chapter 16**

It was her wedding day. Ingrid smoothed her skirt and double-checked herself in the mirror.

"You look beautiful, Ingrid." said Dr. Mike in her matron-of-honor dress.

"Don't worry, Ingrid. Ma's right." said Colleen, pinning up her hair.

"Matthew's a very lucky man," said Grace as she and Myra fiddled with Ingrid's hair.

Outside, Matthew was equally nervous. He shifted his weight.

"Don't worry Matthew." said Brian.

"I was wonderin' why it all happened the way it did." he said, retying his tie for the millionth time.

Brian thought a minute. Then he said slowly " I can't tell you Matthew."

Brian had to go to the back of the assembly. Sully stood next to Matthew. The wedding music began. First came Robert E and Grace, then Horace and Myra. Colleen walked alone, and Brian came as the ring bearer, then Becka and Anna as the flower girls. Dr. Mike came up as the matron of honor. Then there she was. He sucked in his breath. She looked so beautiful walking towards him. Her white dress beautifully complimented her body, her long honey-blonde hair, curled, framed her face. The veil hid her bright eyes slightly. Her arm, linked with Jon's, was partially hidden by the long lace gloves given to her by Grandma Quinn. She smiled at him, and he was no longer nervous.

He looked so handsome standing there in his suit, standing by Sully and the reverend. She reached him, and Jon gave her away. They said their vows, and Matthew's lips lingered softly on hers. They were finally married.

**Epilogue**

Johan was learning to talk faster than Ingrid expected. Matthew walked in, home from work at last. Ingrid gave her stew an extra stir before greeting her husband.

"How are you three doin'?" He asked, then kissed Ingrid.

"We're all fine," she said, putting a hand over her rapidly expanding middle. Johan walked over to Matthew, clung to his leg, looked up and said, "Papa?"


End file.
